The Bella Report

Bella here, 2nd mate on the death ship CODA

When I figured out that my owners wanted me to live on this boat I considered running for it.  I should have.  Since I don't have a good handle on elapsed time I have lost track of how long they have been torturing me this way.  Could it be I have always been here?  My existential thoughts always leave me unsatisfied.

My hangout on the foredeck.

The dreaded ThunderShirt in action.
She really looks concerned about me, don't you think?

First, they left my bed back home.  Got that?  They didn't think I would need a bed.  So what is a girl to do?  I took over the new "reading room" as my own.  It's actually a pretty good deal.  The space is large for me and it is private so I can do whatever I please without Milly saying "Bella stop it".  She does that a lot.  Milly is nice, but she has strong ideas about my behavior.  I, of course, feel her behavior  is no better.  She does things like blowing her hair with a noisy fan and insisting I get a rinse down after I swim.  She is really a control freak.  But she feeds me so what can I do?

Second, they expect me to use a piece of astroturf for my daily ablutions.  It is 20"x30".  Are they for real?  I usually need 1/2 an acre to find an honorable spot.  But they are serious and so after a long protest of one day I did yield to this new arrangement.  It is for their convenience as this means the captain does not need to take me to shore in the dinghy.  Oh, we do that, but only once a day so they feel less guilty.

Amusing my owner, but this is boring so I usually do only two "fetchits".
When the third one is thrown I leave it in the water.  Hah!

Then there is the thing about moving the boat with the engines.  I hate it.  Truly hate it.  I get all nervous when the rocking and rolling gets going big time.  So they drug me.  That's ok too because it is actually pretty good stuff.  But why must we move the boat when each place is so nice?  Can't we just get a PO Box and hang around?  They got me this ThunderShirt thing that is supposed to make me feel as though I am in Mom's womb.  Note that first mate Milly is totally into creating some artsy photo while I am sweltering in this thing.  And we aren't even rocking.  What I put up with in the name of loyalty.

We see a lot of other dogs out here.  Most are boring, but occasionally I do meet one that I like, but of course his stupid owners also move their boat so our friendship is short-lived.  I don't get it.  After the engines go off we are in a place that is also full of water, often among other idiots, with little to do but remark on the beauty and talk about the anchor holding.  All I want to do is go ashore and sniff the joint up.

Idiot captain hugging his engines.  Think about that.

The captain is really funny.  I mean, look at this picture.  Do you know ANYONE else who would pose himself in this manner?  He's an idiot.  He actually likes his engine room.

I have taken to hanging out on the foredeck.  There I can nap peacefully without listening to the owners discussing ridiculous things such as how much water is left (sheez we are surrounded by it).  And I can keep an eye on the mate in the galley and know what potential scraps await me today.

Idiot captain embarrassing me with his "look at the camera" stuff.

See what I mean?   He is an idiot.  He thinks he can get me to look at his hand for this photo.  Notice I am laughing.

So I think they are talking about this ordeal being over soon.  As in today, I hope.  It's raining today and last night in the dark and fog another boat came in and was anchoring near us about 10pm.  The captain is deaf so he never heard it.  1st Mate heard it and went into overdrive trying to determine how to respond to the horn they blasted three times.  So we all got up and finally read that we are supposed to ring our bell for five seconds in response.  By this time the other boat had moved away and was not heard from again.  So the first mate turns on our running lights!!!!  We aren't running!!!!!  No wonder the other boat ran away!!!  Idiots!!!!  We dogs would have just barked a bit and settled the matter quickly.  But, no, I am scolded for barking.

Heard them speaking about Belfast as our next destination town.  Can't wait to get there and see if I can make a break for freedom.  Idiots.